Best kept secrets of the happiest over-achievers

We all know that person who is the ultimate "go-getter." Pictured all over our feed is the girl who's crushing it in the corporate world, latte in one hand, laptop in the other. Perfect hair spills over her black-and-white collared shirt. She's got heads turning; people are immediately curious. Her five-inch stilettos are clacking along the sidewalk on her way to the office, and she looks like she could have woken up like this. The worst part? She makes it look SO easy.

It's part of our society and even glamorized across every social platform. Go on Pinterest and search "focused era," and you'll see that exact girl with the stilettos and messy bun sitting at her desk looking, well, perfect. It's all we consume—to get this, you better get to work. Nothing good in life comes easy. Rest when you're dead. Literally insane! What are we talking about, people?

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE setting goals. I'm a huge goal tracker, and I have a new vision board every three months (no, seriously... it’s a hobby at this point). But somewhere along the way, we've gotten productivity confused with present-moment practicality, and it all feels like one giant "who's winning?" contest.

While it's annoyingly easy to get swept up in that lifestyle (I swear we all want the same life), it is RARE to hear it spoken about in a practical way online. Today, I am here to shed some light on the cost of that "productive" life and how we can all hack our brains to get there with actual ease. Let's call it... how to be in our "Pinterest Girl Era."

Knowing When You're Swept Up in a Goal

It's one thing to have goals and another completely different thing when the goal is consuming you. You make every decision based on what you think is the right choice to get you to that one thing. You force yourself into routines you know you hate because that's what you "should" be doing, and God forbid there is a sudden roadblock. At that point, everything unravels faster than you could spell unravel.

It's ridiculous, the pressure we put on ourselves to achieve this goal, then the next, when really what it's doing is causing so much unnecessary stress. And not to mention, how are we even sure this goal is what we actually want? (I talk about this more in depth in my article HERE if you feel like this is you.)

Let me be clear: I will never tell you to stop striving for your goals because there is significant research linking goal setting/achieving to happiness in the brain. But what I am saying is that when you set a goal, you need to understand how goals work and how to use them so they get you even further than you imagined.

With so much information out there, it's easy to get caught up in what the next influencer is doing to "live her best life," but we really just forget to live. Try things out. Make mistakes. Pivot or change directions completely! We stress out when one decision doesn't align with our five-year plan. It's exhausting!

Focusing so hard on one outcome is doing far more harm than if you were to just give yourself the freedom to be fluid.

Aspirations without expectations.

The whole point here is to be open and the more open you can get, the more opportunities will come knocking. And I can tell you from personal experience, the best opportunities usually aren't part of the original plan.

To understand where I'm going with this, we have to take a look at what's going on in your brain when you are hyper-focused on one goal.

Your Brain Will Do the Hard Work for You

If you didn't know, we have a beautiful filtration system in our brains that never stops working for us. It is called the Reticular Activating System, or RAS, and it is in charge of what you pay attention to and what you automatically throw away.

Because of your RAS, you can fall asleep ignoring the noise from the TV and wake up immediately when someone says your name.

It's why you get a new Jeep and suddenly you are surrounded by Jeeps.

Were the Jeeps always around you?

Yes.

But now, your RAS believes they are important and will continue to make you aware of them.

Stress Creates Tunnel Vision

This is why, when we are stressed, it's ALL we see.

We wake up stressed, stress over our morning cereal, stress while we're at the gym, and then go about our day with all of the same stress from the day before.

The craziest part is that, for most of the day, we aren't even aware we've spiraled 98 times already. We are so used to the noise that we become unconscious of it.

Our RAS literally starts filtering only stress, and it becomes chronic—fast.

When stress becomes normal, the brain enters threat detection mode (fight or flight).

What used to be, "What opportunities are out there?" now becomes, "How do I fix that one thing?"

We are suddenly so deep in this one thought that our whole lives are affected.

The RAS filters more evidence to support our stress, and by the time those thoughts make it to the logic and reasoning part of your brain, you are hyper-focused on trying to logic your way out of that new stressful situation.

Staying narrow only perpetuates one reality, when really there are billions around us at any given time to choose from.

We get so easily swept up in the filtration system happening behind the scenes that it's the only reality we let ourselves have.

The Life You Desire May Look Completely Different Than You Imagined

What if the perfect job you had in mind was actually wayyy more perfect in a way you never thought about?

What if, instead of chasing and scratching to climb to the top and achieve that goal, you realized there was a far more suited goal for you over there?

You never knew you would be happier doing that because the thought was never allowed to cross your mind.

You filter it out as background noise because you aren't open to the abundance around you—the limitless possibilities.

I'm not saying to abandon your goals. I'm saying that you will reach your ideal life quicker by letting go of what you think you should be doing to get there.

AKA, stop gripping onto them so tightly that there's no room for improvement.

Because it CAN get better, and it frequently does when you get out of your own way.

Become more buoyant and float to the top.

While narrow focus has a time and place—studying, deadlines, and learning a new skill—when it comes to designing the ultimate life, it's completely useless.

Know when to zoom in and zoom out, and suddenly life opens up to you.

You see things from a new lens.

You are free.